


We'll meet again

by goldthatglistens



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, M/M, Major character death - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21754768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldthatglistens/pseuds/goldthatglistens
Summary: Bucky is dying.The super-serum that made him strong is also his undoing. From how the doctors tell it, the serum makes his cells grow fast and hardy. But radiation from the final battle with Thanos has transformed his super cells into a super cancer. The cancer cells grow faster than anything anyone’s seen before. The medical consensus is that he has a month left to live. And he’s okay with that.Steve is not okay with that.Rewriting of Endgame, but with more angst
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	1. We'll meet again

**Author's Note:**

> I sat down to write some cute happy Stucky and all this angst flowed out of me. I literally don't know where it came from
> 
> Please read the tags. This is not a happy ending for the Steve and Bucky of this universe.

Bucky is dying. 

The super-serum that made him strong is also his undoing. From how the doctors tell it, the serum makes his cells grow fast and hardy. But radiation from the final battle with Thanos has transformed his super cells into a super cancer. The cancer cells grow faster than anything anyone’s seen before. The medical consensus is that he has a month left to live. And he’s okay with that. 

Steve is not okay with that. 

“Steve,” says Bucky softly. “It’s fine.” Steve just gives Bucky that patented Captain America “We’re not giving up now” look and Bucky sighs. 

So they go to the best doctors money can buy them. They travel the world. They go to England, Germany, China, India and Wakanda. And all the doctors say the same thing: Bucky will die soon. Treatment will prolong his life by days, but it will likely be painful. Bucky doesn’t want any more pain. 

Besides the pain and the increased fatigue, Bucky’s cancer is fine. The doctors say he’ll only become bedridden a few days before his death as the super-soldier serum should keep him relatively well in the meantime. 

“It’ll be fine,” says Bucky. “You’re gonna find a girl and settle down. Have cute super-babies and name one after me.” 

Steve nods courageously and looks away, not meeting Bucky’s eyes. “Well, what do you want to do with the rest of your life, Buck?” he asks. 

“What do you want to do, Steve?” asks Bucky. “I want to be with my best guy.”

Steve shrugs. “I want to do whatever makes you happy.”

“Alright,” Bucky nods. “Ain’t nothing I really want to see, but your stupid face. Maybe want to go see a ballgame, eat some hot dogs. Watch bad TV.” 

Bucky thought Steve would push him to do something more majestic in his last days on earth, but Steve just smiles at him. “We can do that,” says Steve. “We can definitely do that. Anything you want.” 

They go to a Dodgers vs Yankees game the next day because even though the world almost got destroyed it wouldn’t be America if there were no sports. 

They eat hot dogs and cracker jacks in the luxury box seats because that’s what you get when you save the world. Bucky watches the game with a sharp intensity, leaning forward on the edge of his seat when there are two strikes and the bases are loaded. Steve spends more time watching Bucky than the game. 

Bucky sucks on a blue lollipop until his lips and teeth turn blue. Bucky turns to grin at Steve with his blue teeth during the break between the innings. Steve laughs and snaps about twenty pictures of them with his phone, Bucky grinning madly at Steve while Steve frowns in concentration to try to work the damn thing. 

The Dodgers win because they are the best, even when they’re in LA. Bucky leans back in his seat and puts his arms behind his head. 

“I’m tired, Steve,” says Bucky suddenly exhausted. 

“Let’s go home,” agrees Steve. He pulls down his Brooklyn Dodgers hat low on his face helps Bucky back to the chauffered car. By the time they pull up to their apartment, Bucky is fast asleep, his head lolling on Steve’s shoulder. 

Steve carries Bucky inside, but shakes him awake by the bathroom. 

“Buck, you gotta brush your teeth,” whispers Steve gently. “You got blue all over your mouth. Can’t be good for your teeth.”

“Aw, hell Steve,” mumbles Bucky, still half asleep. “What does it matter? I’ll be dead before my teeth can rot.” Bucky instantly regrets his words when he feels Steve stiffen up. 

“Okay,” Steve sounds congested. “Goodnight then.” 

“Sorry, Steve,” apologizes Bucky wide awake now. “I’ll go brush my teeth if you come with me.” 

Steve nods stiffly, not looking at Bucky. “Alright then.” 

They brush their teeth side-by-side avoiding each others eyes in the mirror. 

They exit the bathroom and Steve mumbles, “Goodnight, Bucky.”

Bucky lies in his bed and suddenly aches for no reason at all. He gets up and goes to Steve’s bedroom. Steve is standing by the dresser folding his socks. Bucky shakes his head in disappointment.

“Steve,” says Bucky from the doorway. “Stevie.” 

“Yeah?” Steve keeps looking at his damn socks. 

“It’s cold at night sometimes.” 

“I can get you more blankets,” says Steve. “We can turn up the heat.” 

Bucky nods, but then shakes his head. “Remember when it’d be so cold that we could see our breath even with the stove on. We’d have to share the bed to keep from freezing to death?” 

Steve nods and finally meets Bucky’s eyes. “I remember.” 

“Let’s sleep, Steve. You look tired,” Bucky says, avoiding a question.

Bucky tugs Steve’s arm and they both make their way towards the bed. Bucky tears off his shirt and pants and then wiggles under the covers. After a moment's hesitation, Steve follows Bucky into the bed. 

They lay there side by side breathing in tandem. 

“Thank you for today,” Bucky whispers. 

Steve makes a weird noise and nudges his face into Bucky’s arm. Bucky puts his arm around Steve’s shoulders and Steve rests his head on Bucky’s chest. Bucky strokes Steve’s face to find it wet. 

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Bucky says into Steve’s hair. “I really am.”

“Stop apologizing. You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” murmurs Steve. “I’ll just miss you a lot.” 

“It ain’t fair, really,” says Bucky. “It just really isn’t fair.”

“I hate this,” says Steve. He takes a deep breath in and wipes his face off on Bucky’s pec. 

“Gross, Stevie,” murmurs Bucky. “Just ask me for a handkerchief next time.” 

“Jerk.”

“Punk.” 

Bucky kisses the top of Steve’s head and Steve turns his face up to look at him. 

“Go to sleep, Buck. You need your rest.”’ 

“Yes, captain,” says Bucky and he settles back into the pillow. As he falls asleep, he thinks he feels the whisper of Steve’s lips against his jaw. 

-

The next day, Bucky wakes up to the smell of waffles. They spend the rest of the day and the rest of the week laying around on the couch in their boxers watching shitty reality TV shows. 

Bucky lays his head on Steve’s chest so he can hear the rumble of Steve’s laughter when Bucky yells obscenities at the TV. Steve feeds Bucky slices of chilled peaches and plums with his fingers. When Bucky gets pain in the bones of his legs and back, they don’t mention cancer or dying. Instead, Steve gives Bucky a massage that almost makes the pain go away. 

After the massage, Bucky groans and rolls over feeling boneless. 

“Feel good?” asks Steve. 

“Yeah,” sighs Bucky. 

“You’re really tight,” Steve comments as he rubs his hand down Bucky’s leg. 

“It’s the stress, I think,” says Bucky. He hums as Steve works his hands into another knot in Bucky’s thigh.

“Stress?” asks Steve, getting that little worried wrinkle between his eyebrows. “Why are you stressed?”

“I dunno,” Bucky says. “It’s hard to think when you’re doing that to me. My brain’s all mush.” 

Steve pulls his hand away from Bucky’s leg and Bucky whimpers in disappointment. “Why are you stressed?” asks Steve again. “Are you unhappy?”

“I’m only unhappy that you stopped,” Bucky pouts and replaces Steve’s hand on his leg pointedly. 

Steve rolls his eyes and starts to rub Bucky’s leg again. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“I dunno,” says Bucky. “I guess there’s some sort of stress that comes with knowing you’re gonna die.”

“Ah,” says Steve. Steve takes a big breath in and holds it. 

“And I want to make sure you’re happy too,” says Bucky. 

“Yeah?” asks Steve. 

“Yeah,” Bucky nods. “I love you, Stevie.” Bucky hadn’t meant for that to come out of his mouth. 

Steve swallows hard and stops massaging his leg. “Love you, too.” 

Bucky rearranges himself so he is draped over Steve, listening to the thump-thump of Steve’s heart. 

“You know what I want more than anything in the world?” asks Bucky. He gently pokes Steve’s neck. 

“What?” asks Steve. He pulls Bucky’s hand away from his neck, but doesn’t let his hand go. 

“I want to know how your life turns out,” says Bucky. “It’s unfair that I don’t get to know.”

“Oh, Buck,” says Steve still holding Bucky’s hand. “I think it’ll be pretty boring without you. I know from experience. I was like a stiff cardboard cutout when you weren’t here.” 

“No, no, no,” says Bucky. “I want to hear about it. I want to hear about your boring days, your sad days, your fun days and everything in between. I want to hear about your dogs and your kids and your wife and how you invite all the neighbors over for some barbeque.” 

“I’ll write to you every week, Buck,” says Steve. “Like when you were in the army. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Good,” says Bucky. “I want to hear the end of your story. I want a happy ending.” 

Steve kisses the top of Bucky’s head and so Bucky turns his head to kiss Steve’s chest. 

“I wish you got more time,” said Steve. “It feels like I just got you back.”

“I wish I had more time to spend with you, Steve,” said Buck. “Hell this sounds weird, but I wish they could freeze me and then when you are all old and grey, we could wake up and be together one last time.”

“I’d like that,” said Steve. “I’d be easier to live knowing I’d see you one last time.”

“You could read me all your letters,” replied Bucky. “Tell me about all the stupid shit you'd do.”

Steve runs his hand up Bucky’s metal arm to rest on Bucky’s cheek. 

“Remember when that girl--- Catherine, was it?--- asked you to go to the dance?” Steve asks.

“Uh huh,” Bucky nods. 

“And you forgot that Mary had already asked you, so you said yes?” 

Bucky smiles. “And I tried to go with both of them without the other knowing?”

“And then Mary’s brother found out and so he cornered you in the alley. And so you told them both you were sick and you couldn’t go anymore.”

“I was going to do that anyway,” says Bucky. “You were sick and I couldn’t go out to have fun when you were looking all pathetic.” 

“Yeah, right,” laughs Steve. “You were just scared of Mary’s brother.”

“Was not,” says Bucky. “I could have taken him anytime. I just would rather go dancing than you than with both Mary and Catherine combined.” 

“Well, I didn’t dance, but you danced all night to ‘It’s Only a Paper Moon’.”

“You were sick and bored. I had to do something.”

“I loved it.”

“Yeah?” asks Bucky. “You hated dancing.” 

“I was always waiting for you to dance with me. I was waiting for the right partner.” 

“Now that is some bullshit right there. You didn’t dance with me at all. You only started promising people you would dance when you got all big and strong.” Bucky pokes Steve in the stomach and Steve laughs.

“Well, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. And people actually wanted to dance with me when I got all big.”

“I always wanted to dance with you, or wanted to, even when you were a little twig. Why the hell did you think I always bring you along to dance with me?” Bucky move's Steve hand from his cheek to his hair and Steve begins to run his fingers along his scalp.

“I dunno, because you wanted to dance with two girls at once? That’s what always happened when we went out.”

“No, you dumbass. I wanted to dance with you. I wanted you too.” Bucky is afraid he let a little too much slip.

But Steve only replies, “That’s why you’re my best guy.” 

“Yup,” sighs Bucky. “I’m your best guy.” 

They sit in silent memories until Bucky falls asleep right there on the couch. He dreams about Steve before the serum, with his small angular face, his tiny body. In Bucky’s dream, he twirls Steve around in his arms before dipping him into a kiss. Steve’s face is pale and bony, his mouth is pink and warm, and his eyes are bright, hopeful, and laughing. 


	2. Don't know where; don't know when

The next morning, Steve is already awake and making pancakes when Bucky wakes up on the couch. Bucky joins him at the table. 

“Do you want blueberries or chocolate chips in your pancakes, Buck?” asks Steve. 

“Surprise me,” yawns Bucky. “It’s too early to make decisions.”

They dig into their pancakes (chocolate) and when Bucky has eaten his fill, he leans back with a contented sigh. 

Steve makes a weird noise. 

“What’s wrong, Stevie?” asks Bucky. “You choking?”

Steve nods and pounds his chest, but Bucky sees Steve try to surreptitiously wipe his eyes with the back of his hands, 

“Stevie,” sighs Bucky. He moves his chair so it’s closer to Steve and puts his hand on Steve’s leg. “Tell me what I can do.”

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” sniffs Steve. “I’m sorry. I’m fine.” Steve sits up and tries to smile at Bucky. 

“Like hell you are, you punk,” Bucky slaps Steve on the back. “Let’s go sit on the couch, huh?” 

“I can’t do it.” Steve is building a little wall with his cut up pancakes. 

“Sure, you can,” says Bucky. “It’s only a few feet away.” 

“I can’t do this, Bucky,” whispers Steve. “I can’t lose you again.” 

“Stevie.” 

“Take me with you,” pleads Steve. He puts down his knife and fork, gets off the chair and kneels before Bucky. His eyes are shining with tears and his intensity scares Bucky. “Please, take me with you when you go.” 

“Stevie,” sighs Bucky. “You can’t. I can’t.” 

“Please, Bucky,” says Steve. “I’ll follow you to the end of the line. We’ll get there together.” 

“No, Stevie,” says Bucky. “Please, Steve.” Steve’s hair is messed up and there are dark shadows under his eyes. Steve grips Bucky’s arm so tight it’s painful.

“When you were gone, it was like a black hole. Like nothing could fill it. I felt that twice...twice in my life. I can’t do it a third time.” 

“Did you sleep at all last night, Steve? You should sleep some more. You look a little crazed.” Bucky extracts his hand from Steve’s tight grip to smooth down Steve’s unruly hair.

“When you go, I want to go with you.” Steve’s eyes are wild and Bucky has never been more terrified in his life. Not when he was tortured by Nazis, not when Thanos came to destroy the world. “I’ll die anyway. Why not with you? I’m old enough.”

“Go with me to the couch, okay?” pleads Bucky. “We’ll be more comfortable. You’ll feel better.”

Steve allows Bucky to steer him to the couch. Bucky sinks into the corner of the couch and tries to hold all of massive Steve in his lap. Most of Steve doesn’t fit, but he doesn’t seem to mind. 

“It’s okay, Stevie,” says Bucky. “I’m still here.” Steve buries his face into Bucky’s neck and clings so tightly it hurts. 

“You’re still here,” Steve mumbles. 

“I’m still here.” Bucky runs his hands soothingly down Steve’s side and maneuvers them down so Steve is lying on top of him. 

“Three nights ago, I had a dream,” Steve says into Bucky’s stomach, “that you were dead. And when I woke up, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just watched you sleep in my arms to make sure you were still breathing.” Steve’s breathing is wild and erratic. “I haven’t slept since.” 

“Well, I’m still alive and kicking right now,” says Bucky reassuringly. “Come up a bit, Steve.” He pulls Steve up so Steve’s head is resting on his chest. 

“Do you hear my heartbeat?” asks Bucky. He strokes Steve’s hair soothingly. It is thin and soft. 

“I hear it,” says Steve. His breathing starts to slow. 

“Do you feel my chest rise with my every breath?” Bucky breathes in deeply and watches Steve’s head move with his chest.

“Yes, Buck,” whispers Steve. 

“Can you breath in with me? We’ll breathe together.” 

Steve nods and breaths in when Bucky breathes in and breaths out when Bucky breaths out. Steve closes his eyes and Bucky sees some of the tense lines ease. Bucky remembers when Steve was young and had asthma and Bucky would help him breath just the same way. 

“I’m alive. I’m still here,” Bucky rubs his hands soothingly down Steve’s back. “And I’ll take care of you, just like I always do. You should sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

Steve nods and keeps taking big breaths. Before long, his breaths even out into sleep. 

Bucky strokes Steve’s hair and quietly worries for his friend. Steve is all that was good and brave in the world. Who fought Thanos all by himself when all hope was lost. It is groundshaking to see him so broken. Steve was always the strong one. 

When Bucky wakes up, it is dark and Steve is sitting besides him with his head in his hands. 

“Steve?” asks Bucky cautiously and starts to sit up. 

“Hey,” says Steve looking up. Steve’s hair is wet from the shower and the wild intensity is gone from his eyes. 

“How you doing, buddy?” asks Bucky. 

“I’m sorry about that, Buck,” says Steve. “I didn’t mean to go all crazy on you. I should have slept.” 

“It’s okay, Steve,” replies Bucky. “It’s hard. I know.” 

“I”m so so sorry,” says Steve. “I really don’t know what happened.”

“It’s fine, Steve,” reassures Bucky. “Do you want to go to bed now?”

“I- uh,” Steve swallows hard and his Adam’s apple bobs. “Sure.”

“You don’t have to,” says Bucky. 

“I want to,” says Steve looking determined. 

They make their way to Bucky’s bedroom. Bucky lays down and pulls Steve on top of him and places Steve’s ear on his chest. 

“Use that super hearing of yours,” growls Bucky. “And listen to my heartbeat and get some more goddammed sleep.”

“I’m sorry Bucky,” says Steve. “I was supposed to be taking care of you.”

“I’ve taken care of you my whole life,” replies Bucky. “I ain’t gonna stop now.” 

“I should be the one taking care of you.”

“Shut up, punk. Your crushing guilt is making it hard to sleep.”

“Jerk.” 

“Love you, too.” 

“I love you, Buck. Always have.” It’s more sincere than Bucky expects. 

“Shush.” Bucky kisses the top of Steve’s head. 

**-**

Bucky has two weeks left to live, when Steve receives a text from Dr. Strange about returning the infinity stones. 

“You should volunteer,” says Bucky. “You really liked going back before. I think you’d like it now. Hell, you could even stay there. Get with your gal. Peggy, was it?” Bucky chuckles. 

“That’d be a misuse of power,” says Steve. “I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

“Oh come on, Steve,” sighs Bucky. “Screw everyone else. Be selfish for once in your life. That’s my dying wish. For you to be selfish.” Bucky pokes Steve in the chest and then gently runs his finger over the little crease between Steve’s eyebrows. 

The crease deepens and Steve considers the idea. “I’d screw up a whole timeline. I’d make a whole alternate universe. We were explicitly warned about that”

“Or you’d save a whole timeline,” says Bucky. “Think about that. You could go to the timeline without Thanos, marry Peggy and be normal for the rest of your life.” 

“I could screw it up by just being there.”

“You couldn’t screw it up if you tried.”

“That’s not true and you know it.”

“Oh come on, Steve. You’re full of virtue and righteousness. Hell, you even saved me from Hydra.” 

“Hmmmm,” says Steve. “Now, that’s a thought.” Steve’s eyebrows scrunch together and he abruptly stands up to leave the room.

“Hey, Steve?” calls Bucky. “Where the hell are you going?”

“I’m going to return the infinity stones,” Steve shouts back. 

Bucky gets up from his chair and follows him into the bedroom. “Hey, wait Steve. You know I was kinda just kidding about going back in the past?”

Steve turns to Bucky and there is a little bit of a fever in his eyes. “I can save you from Hydra, Buck. Of course, I’m going back in the past.”

“But what if that screws everything up?” asks Bucky. “Maybe I need to be controlled by Hydra for good to prevail on earth or something. Maybe if you save me, Hitler wins and the world is chaos or something. And isn't there the stuff the old time lady said? About the threads of time unraveling?”

“No,” Steve waves his hand dismissively. “It’ll be fine. You said so yourself.”

“And I was joking,” protests Bucky. “Don’t be an idiot.”

“But I could save you,” Steve looks desperate and he runs his hands through his hair . 

“You don’t like the way I am now?” asks Bucky. 

Steve rolls his eyes. “Of course I do.” Steve grabs Bucky’s left metal arm and squeezes it. “I love you.”

“Great,” says Bucky and squeezes back carefully. 

“But I could save you,” says Steve. “I could finally fix it. Fix my mistake.” 

“But what if that ruins the whole world?” asks Bucky. "And what mistake?"

“How would that ruin the whole world?” asks Steve. “I’d be doing the world a favor. Getting rid of Hydra’s most brilliant and best looking assassin. Keeping James Barnes, the best man I’ve ever known.” Steve smacks a kiss on Bucky’s cheek.

“Shut up, Steve. This is serious,” says Bucky. 

“I am serious,” says Steve. 

“Steve,” pleads Bucky. “Stevie.” 

“I’m being selfish,” Steve whispers. “Please, Buck.” 

Steve takes Bucky's face in his hands. Steve has a wild look in his eyes, but it’s starting to turn into the determined look that Bucky knows so well. Bucky feels his resolve crumble. Steve is beginning to look again like that boy from Brooklyn, the one that fought for the world with a weight on his shoulders, but with burning hope in his eyes. The boy Bucky would follow to the ends of the earth and back.

“Okay, Steve,” Bucky sighs. He’ll lose Steve one way or another. He’d rather have Steve alive and happy in the past than alone or dead in the present. 

“Buck, thank you, thank you.” Steve burrows his face into Bucky’s stomach and wraps his arms around Bucky’s waist so tight it hurts. 

“As long as you’re happy, pal,” Bucky says. He strokes Steve’s head carefully and thinks, _God help me, I’d do anything for you_. 

Steve falls to his knees and sobs into Bucky’s stomach. Bucky wishes he wasn’t the subject of so many tears. He wishes he could reach inside him and tear out the cancer. He wants to be the one who makes Steve smile again. 

That night, Bucky looks down at Steve, who is nestled on top of his chest, and gently brushes Steve’s hair back. Steve has already lost him twice. It was Bucky’s turn to live without Steve, to feel the aching pain of loss. Bucky would have argued more, but he had never seen Steve so fragile. Besides, Bucky is a big sap when it came to Steve. Even as a brainwashed assassin, he wanted to save Steve. 

All he wants is to make Steve happy. 

The next day, Bucky asks Steve, “Are you still planning on leaving? Go back in time?”

“In a week and a half,” says Steve. “I’ll be going.”

“Can you wait a few more days?” asks Bucky. “I’ve got about two weeks left before I die and I know it’s selfish and I told you to be selfish, but I want to see you for as long as I got.”

Steve looks up, shocked. He shakes his head and moves to sit next to Bucky. “Buck,” he says and he pulls Bucky’s face up so he can look into his eyes. “I’d never leave you. I told you. I’m coming back for you.”

“Yeah?” asks Bucky. “When you’re all old and wrinkly?”

“Yup,” says Steve. “Isn’t that what you said you wanted? Me to live my life. And you wished you could hear all about it. I’ll come back and tell you about it. We’ll have lived our lives together. To the end of the line.” 

Bucky almost forgot he said that. “You’d do that for me, Steve?”

Steve laughs. “I’d move the world for you. Hell, I’d destroy the world for you.”

“Promise you’ll come back?” asks Bucky. 

“I promise, Buck. To the end of the line.” 

They sleep in the same bed again that night, Steve curled around Bucky. In the dark, Steve kisses Bucky gently on the lips. Bucky wishes that they had done this sooner; it’s soft and bittersweet and everything that he had ever wanted since the damn 1930’s and he’s only got a week of Steve left. He better make it count. 


	3. But I know we'll meet again

The next day Bucky feels more like himself than he did in a long time. Steve plans out the day with sweet little dates at cafes and at the movies. They share sweet short kisses in the park and long aching kisses at the movie. At night, Bucky teaches Steve how to dance. 

“You’re gonna have to know how to dance when you have your date with your girl,” says Bucky as he coaches Steve’s large feet through the steps of the lindy hop. 

Steve stiffens in his arms. “I just want to think about you, Buck. I’ll think about the future later.”

“The past, you mean,” Bucky sniggers and Steve lightly whacks him on the side of his head. 

“Were you always such a pain in my ass or did you get worse with age?”

“Oh, I can be a pain in your ass alright,” laughs Bucky. He grabs Steve’s ass with both hands and squeezes.

Instead of laughing like Bucky expected him to, Steve turns pink. Bucky smirks and pulls Steve close to his body, “You saluting me, Captain?” 

“Buck,” admonishes Steve. Bucky can feel Steve’s heart beating against his chest and a blush turns Steve's ears bright red. It’s the cutest damn thing Bucky has ever seen in his life. 

“What?” laughs Buck. “Lighten up a bit, Stevie. Or I’ll have to dislodge that stick up your ass with something of my own.” 

“Bucky!” Steve finally laughs. He looks so beautiful right then that Bucky can’t stop himself from leaning forward to brush Steve’s lips with his. Steve deepens the kiss and grabs Bucky like a drowning man, before abruptly pulling back. 

“What’s the matter, pal?” asks Bucky from under his lashes. “Too hot for you to handle?”

Steve swallows and shakes his head. “Bucky, I don’t want you to do this out of pity. I want you to want me too.”

Bucky frowns. “Who said I’m doing this out of pity? In case you forgot, I kissed you.”

Steve shakes his head. “You’re not into me. You love women.” 

“Who the hell said I’m not into you, Steve?” Bucky is starting to get mad. 

“You’re Bucky Barnes!” Steve sounds exacerbated. “You practically went out with every single girl in New York!” 

“So?” asks Bucky. “I can like girls and guys, can’t I? That’s a thing now, ain’t it?” 

Steve frowns and bites his lip. “You’re not… into me.” Steve’s eyes flick down to Bucky’s crotch. 

“Oh hell,” Bucky throws up his arms. “Steve, that’s one of the Winter Soldier things.” 

Steve looks at Bucky’s crotch and then at his metal arm and then at his crotch again. Steve’s eyes bug out a little. “Oh, I-” 

Bucky knows what Steve is thinking and slaps his hand on Steve’s mouth before he can work himself up into a frenzy. “You’re a fucking idiot sometimes. No, I do not have a metal dick. It’s just that...I’m still recovering...mentally. It just takes a little more effort than I used to.” Bucky reaches out and takes Steve’s hand in his. “You gotta warm me up a bit first.” 

Steve squeezes his hand and looks at Bucky worriedly. “We don’t have to do anything. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want.”

“Stevie, listen,” Bucky holds Steve’s chin so he looks him in the eyes. “Those Nazi’s might have sucked my will straight outta me, but they sure as hell couldn’t keep away the fact that I’ve wanted you since the 1930’s. If you hold your horses and wait a few goddamned minutes, we can be fonduing all over this place.” 

Steve’s eyes soften. “I’ve waited for decades. I’m sure I can wait a few minutes more.” 

“Good,” Bucky smiles. He pulls Steve close and then dips Steve into a kiss. 

“You always knew how to make the girls swoon,” says Steve. He is still quite pink. Bucky thinks it’s pretty fucking adorable. 

“Am I making you swoon, doll?” asks Bucky coyly. 

“Jesus, Buck,” breathes Steve and pushes Bucky to the wall. 

Bucky is about to say something snarky, but Steve does something with his tongue, and all that comes out of his mouth is a gasp. Bucky pulls Steve to the bedroom. 

-

The nostalgia sets in after they make love, when they are lying on the bed, still entwined and breathing heavily. 

“Never in a million years would I have imagined us being here, Buck.” 

“We went on more adventures than most.”

“Back in Brooklyn, I wouldn’t have even imagined you’d be into me. And I couldn’t even imagine a world where it’d be okay for us to love.” 

Bucky wishes he could hit pause on this moment and live within it forever. Steve’s hair is soft against his cheek and his chest is velvety smooth against his body. He pulls Steve closer and wishes he could to grasp and hold to every second, every minute, every hour he has with Steve. 

The harder Bucky tries to hold onto time, the faster it slips out of his fingers. Before he knows it the day is gone and then the next week has came and went. 

Their parting must remind Steve of another parting eons ago, because he says, “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Bucky replies, “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” so Steve knows that he loves him and always has. 

And when it’s time for Steve to go, Bucky says, “I’ll miss you,” because in a way he’s saying goodbye. He’ll miss seeing Steve like this. Young Steve, standing tall and proud. 

But he’s already seen Steve’s body change from a skinny boy to a hulking supersoldier. He already knows that no matter the shape, he will always love Steve. 

And he knows that Steve will always come back. 

-

When old Steve shows up on the park bench, Bucky isn’t surprised. Steve gives Wilson the shield. Wilson is surprised. He doesn’t know about Bucky’s condition. Wilson looks back at Bucky for confirmation and Bucky nods. Wilson will be a good Captain America. He might be an annoying ass, but his heart is as large as Steve’s.

They have three days left. They are both weak and delicate now. They sit on their balcony and watch the sunrise and sunset. They reminisce about their days as two dumb kids and Steve tells Bucky all about his life in the other universe, the universe without Thanos. 

Steve tells Bucky about how Peggy and him were able to get their dance. They have two children, James and Sarah. Bucky grins wildy.

“Didn’t think you’d actually name a kid after me,” says Bucky. 

“Of course, I would,” responds Steve. “But I wouldn’t saddle some poor kid with the name Buchanan.”

Bucky laughs and it feels good. 

Steve pulls out a box of old yellow letters and new crisp letters. 

“I wrote to you every week,” says Steve. “Like I promised.”

Bucky picks up a letter and a drawing of a younger him slips out. The Bucky in the picture has sparkling blue eyes and his head is thrown back in laughter. Bucky flips the paper over and sees a drawing of himself with a metal arm and long hair. A gentle smile is on his face and he his holding a mug of something hot. 

“The first picture is of the Bucky from that universe,” said Steve. “When ever I drew him, my fingers itched to draw you. I wanted to make sure I’d always remember you. So I’d remember the differences between you and him.”

“God, Steve,” said Bucky. “You were good before, but this art is incredible.” The pencil strokes capture the reality of each face, like a picture, but the blending captures an essence of character absent any photo Bucky has ever seen. 

Steve tells Bucky about how he got to go to art school. That he loved Peggy with all his heart, she was his best girl after all, but he’d think of Bucky whenever he got a moment alone. That he thought of Bucky a lot. 

Bucky smiles. Steve always had a big heart. Big enough for two in one lifetime.

However, Steve has other stories, stories Bucky never dreamed he’d hear. 

Steve tells him of how he managed to convince the army to rescue Bucky. The Bucky in that universe never became the Winter Soldier, was never brainwashed by HYDRA. 

“I couldn’t let you go through that,” explains Steve. “Not when I knew I could prevent it.”

“Yeah?” asks Bucky impatiently. “And then what.”

Steve talks about how he nudged the other Bucky and Steve into a fledgling romance, but before he could stop them, they both went down on a plane in the Arctic. 

“And I thought I had failed for fifty years,” sighs Steve. 

“You knew that they were just frozen,” says Bucky. 

“But I always had this nagging voice at the back of my mind. What if they both just died? What if Bucky died? You were able to survive the fall from the train, but I wasn’t sure if you’d survive half a century in ice.” 

“Awww, Stevie.”

“But fifty years later, Bucky and Steve come out of the ice together practically holding hands.”

“Those saps,” says Bucky, but he reaches out to hold Steve’s hand anyway. It’s weird that Steve’s old, but he holds it tightly nonetheless. It’s still Steve. 

“Then,” Steve pauses for effect, his eyes twinkling, “They saved New York from aliens and, along with the Avengers, became heroes. They were considered the most famous men on the planet.”

“You’re not just having me on to make me feel better,” says Bucky. 

“No, no!” says Steve. “I almost forgot.” Steve brings out a notebook filled with old newspaper clippings and newer online print outs. 

Steve shows Bucky a headline. “Super-Soldiers Save New York.” Bucky traces his fingers over the Steve and Bucky in the photo. They look strong, proud and happy. 

Bucky flips over to the next page. “The Super Wedding of a Century.” Beneath the headline is a photo of Steve and Bucky holding hands and beaming at each other. \

“We got married?” shouts Bucky. 

Steve laughs brightly. “I was getting to that. Hold your horses.”

Steve explains that it may have been a good thing for Steve and Bucky to be in ice for all that time. They slept through the rise of gay rights and gay pride to emerge at a time that tolerated same-sex couples. Just the right time to get married in New York. 

“We got married, Steve,” Bucky laughs. “How about that.”

Steve smiles. “It was a gorgeous wedding.” 

“You were there?” asks Bucky. 

“No, but I saw the photos,” Steve turns to the next page in the notebook. 

There are pictures of Steve and Bucky modeling their white tuxedos, feeding each other cake, and kissing each other. 

“We are absolutely disgusting,” says Bucky. “Look at that look on my face.” He points to a picture where the other Bucky is looking at the other Steve with a sickeningly sweet face of absolute reverence.

Steve laughs. “You should see my face in this photo.” He flips two pages further into the notebook where the other Steve is staring longingly at Bucky with his face held in his hands. 

“We’re a good looking couple,” says Bucky. “We look good together.”

“The happiest couple I’d ever seen,” adds Steve brushing his index finger on the photograph of the other Bucky laughing. 

“Well, I don’t know about that,” says Bucky. “You made me the happiest man in the world right now.”

“Yeah?” asks Steve. He puts away the notebook and puts his arm around Bucky. “God, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than when I was with you.”

They study each others face until the sun sets and the light gets bad. Then they trudge off to bed together and sleep. 

-

On the last day of Bucky’s life, they stay in bed together. Bucky is too weak to move and Steve isn’t going to leave him alone ever again. 

“Have you ever thought about how lucky we are?” asks Steve. He strokes Bucky’s face softly with his hand. “About a million things could have gone wrong, and yet we find ourselves here, together.”

“I’m just lucky to have you,” says Bucky. “Always have been.” They settle into one another and fit perfectly together. 

When night falls, they are still wrapped around each other, breathing each other in. Bucky hurts a little, but he expected that. Steve makes it better by running his hands down Bucky’s back.

“I’m with you to the end of the line,” Steve murmurs into Bucky’s ear. 

“To the end of the line,” Bucky whispers back. “Love you, Stevie.”

“Love you too,” Steve replies.

They close their eyes and sleep for the last time.

  
  


-

  
  
  


In another universe, Steve wakes up to Bucky curled around him. 

He kisses Bucky’s lips and Bucky stirs as he slowly starts to wake up. 

“Morning, sunshine,” says Steve as he watches Bucky open his eyes. 

“You stole my line,” Bucky grumbles but he moves closer to Steve to give him another kiss. 

“We need to go to the store today before the press conference.” Steve makes a motion to get up. “We’re out of milk and I want to make those little butter cookies for Morgan.”

“Can’t we just stay in bed?” grumps Bucky curling his arm around Steve’s bicep. 

Steve sighs, but concedes and settles back around Bucky. He looks down at Bucky and strokes Bucky’s hair. 

“Have you thought about how lucky we are? About a million things could have gone wrong, and yet we find ourselves here, together.”

“You big sap,” Bucky says, but he smiles. “I’m just lucky to have you. Always have been.”

They settle into each other and fit perfectly.


End file.
